Learning About Australia

[Carl]

Here are some of the classic questions that were actually asked of the Sydney Olympic Committee via their Web site, and the Aussie answers that go with them.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow ? (UK)
A: Upwards, out of the ground, like the person who asked this question, who themselves will need watering if their IQ drops any lower.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street ? (USA)
A: Depends on how much beer you've consumed.

Q: Which direction should I drive -- Perth to Darwin or Darwin to Perth - to avoid driving with the sun in my eyes ? (Germany)
A: Excellent question, considering that the Olympics are being held in Sydney.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney -- can I follow the railroad tracks ? (Sweden)
A: Sure, its' only three thousand miles, so you'll need to have started about a year ago to get there in time for this October.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia ? (Sweden)
A: And accomplish what ?

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: I'm not touching this one.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why bother ? Use your fingers like the rest of us.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia ? (France)
A: No. Everybody stinks.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population ? (Italy)
A: Yes. Gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A: Yes. At Christmas.

Q: Can I drive to the Great Barrier Reef ? (Germany)
A: Sure, if your vehicle is amphibious.

Q: Are there killer bees in Australia ? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but we'll see what we can do when you get here.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: What's this guy smoking, and where do I get some ?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round ? (Germany)
A: Another blonde ?

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: I love this one...there are no rattlesnakes in Australia.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A: Face North and you should be about right.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule ? (USA)
A: Americans have long had considerable trouble distinguishing between Austria and Australia.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go ? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.