Just not cricket.

[Brandyboy]

England apologises after remembering cricket is all Australia has

THE MCC has offered Australia a full apology after remembering that cricket is all the nation has to offer the world.

Following controversy over the dismissal of Jonny Bairstow in yesterday’s Ashes match, the England cricket team have agreed to let Australia have this as they have literally nothing else.

Captain Ben Stokes said: “I’ll be honest, I was furious. It’s blatantly unfair. But then I saw the Aussies’ faces and thought, poor bastards. This is it for them.

“We’re used to failure; as a team, as a sport and individually, because none of us could make it as Premier League footballers. Failure’s baked in.

“But Australia? They don’t have football, only their own version with fighting. They don’t have culture, or history, or Neighbours, or anything else that makes you feel a success as a nation. Cricket is all they’ve got.

“If they can’t win at this then they’re a nation of total losers at the arse-end of the world on a continent that’s 70 per cent uninhabitable. If they have to cheat to win, let them.”

Australia captain Pat Summers blustered: " What do you mean.. We do well in the Olympics!”