The mother of three children from Surrey has claimed that their special summer holiday day out to a local stately home and its well-kept gardens ‘is a day that they’ll never forget’.
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“We were so lucky that Daddy was able to spend a few hours with Barnaby, the girls and I,” beamed Mummy, who works as a homemaker and partakes in crafts in her spare time.
“The visit to Crispin Hall and its wonderful array of flora almost had us in tears. In fact, I’m certain that I saw more than a little emotion in Allegra, Anastasia and Barnaby, they were so overcome.
“Despite the girls joking that they’d like to visit Alton Towers or pop over to Nice again – boring! – Daddy saw straight through their polite nonsense, pulled some strings and got top tickets to Crispy Hall. We are so lucky.”
When we caught up with the children afterwards, they seemed so excited that they’d temporarily forgotten how much they’d enjoyed the day.
“There were some daisy things and a hedge, but most of it was pretty crap,” moaned eight-year-old Allegra, “just grass and plants.”
“It’s always the same,” added Barnaby, “every summer Daddy gets a day off, Mummy is in a funny mood as she can’t start drinking wine at breakfast time, and then we come somewhere like this pretentious shit hole. I asked if we could go to LaserQuest instead, and mummy did that face she pulled when that man came to the door selling teatowels.”
“We’ll soon be fucking off back to boarding school, thank Christ. Then Daddy can get back to Singapore and Mummy can drink wine and shag the gardener, like normal people,” chipped in Anastasia.
“In fact, if it wasn’t for access to their credit cards, I think we’d join an orphanage!” giggled the sisters.
“They are a couple of absolute wankers,” they all agreed, “but we love the cash!”
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